Making a Scene

Ah, the third trimester. My favorite. *insert sarcasm*. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it here before, and I know my husband hears it all too much…but I’m just not a good pregnant person. Yes, I love feeling the baby move. Yes, I think it’s great to be able to experience the “miracle of life”. But do I really love and relish every moment of feeling huge, off-balance, sick, having terrible skin, and being perpetually tired? Not so much. But this pregnancy has really brought this all to a whole new level – especially this weekend.

For those who know me, you know that I’m not a big “scene maker”. I prefer flying under the radar, don’t really like people paying attention to me so much, and certainly attempt to follow all general rules that society has, written or unwritten, in order to fit in and be as unnoticed as possible by strangers. So, that knowledge prefaces what is most likely one of the largest “scenes” I’ve made inadvertently in public in my life. Welcome to my third trimester.

Background: I caught a cough from Selah that I just can’t shake. She’s had it for awhile, and it was only a cough with no other symptoms – so a little confusing on if she was sick or if she has her Daddy’s allergies, since it really only reared its head at night when she lay down. So when I got it, I was actually kind of relieved that I could figure out what she had by experiencing it – which will surely be the last time I think that! I had the cough for about a week when my upper rib cage started hurting. At first just when I coughed, then progressing to when I breathed deeply, then eventually to where it was painful to walk, move, or breathe at all. I went to Urgent Care for two days in a row, but there was over a 3 hour wait both days, so I ended up leaving and figuring that I was better off not sharing space with a thousand other sick people for 3 hours then to be treated. After being in fairly severe pain for two full days, having a hard time breathing, and talking to my midwives, I decided on Saturday that I needed to suck it up and go in. Cue the worst “scene” I’ve created in my life:

The clinic opened at 9 AM, and I arrived at 8:40 AM to find a line around the building. OK, great. Probably a 2 hour wait – at least we’re 1 hour less than before! Once they opened the building and we were standing waiting to check in, my midwive called me. Knowing there is a “no-cell-phone” rule, I hesitantly answered, but wanted to ask her if I should get out of line and go check myself into the ER – when you can’t breath, have been in pain for 2 days, and are 34 weeks pregnant – you just can’t make those kind of decisions without consult. (Plus, really, wouldn’t all these people behind me be glad to see me leave, causing them 10 minutes less of a wait?). Apparently not.

Some lady who was about 4 people behind me decided that the right time to reprimand me for breaking the no-cell-phone rule would be while I was actually ON the phone trying to figure out how best to be treated. In my confusion of trying to listen to two people (remember, I like people to like me and I always follow rules, so reprimanding affects me much more than my “I-couldn’t-care-less-about-how-others-feel-or-think” husband! 😉 ), I was having a hard time processing this lady and what my midwive was trying to convey. So, of course, the logical response? Cry like a baby. Yep.

Oh, but wait! That’s not all!

Getting upset apparently triggered yet another awesome pregnant symptom! Nose bleeds! And this was the nose bleed of all nose bleeds. The crying also helped to spread the massive looking amount of blood spewing out my nostrils onto the lady reprimanding me – even more awesome! And you can imagine what everyone else in the entire line was doing? It was like a slow motion train wreck and I fully embraced the part. I started crying at her with phrases to the effect of, “Why are you yelling at me?”, “You have no idea what I’ve been through thsi week!”, and “I’m clearly pregnant and just trying to talk to my midwife”, while people slowly backed away. And since I had nothing to stop the blood, I definitely resembled a car accident victim by the end of it. All until a very sweet, sympathetic nurse came and rushed me past EVERYONE in line and had me seen by a doctor immediately!

So, lessons learned: (1) Sometimes making a scene, although inappropriate and embarrassing, gets you to your ultimate goal faster than following rules, and (2) If you’d like to really make someone feel bad for reprimanding you, you should try being pregnant, crying, and bleeding all over them. If she didn’t feel bad after that, I’m not sure what would trigger it.

Oh, and in case you were wondering the diagnosis…I have strained/dislocated my ribs from coughing and there is some sort of nerve being pinched in there causing the pain breathing. Normally they would stabilize my rib cage with a rib belt, but oh yeah, I’m super pregnant, so that doesn’t work! So I get to power through ;). Now just resting up and trying to heal (and not cough! Or laugh at myself because all of that was a pretty awesome display, you must admit).